| Tweet tweet. |
[03 May 2006|06:09pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Stupid MF - Mindless Self Indulgence |
] |
I hate nostalgia.
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| Time's running out? |
[12 Apr 2006|11:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Atreyu - Ex's and Oh's |
] |
Gah.
Pleeeeeeease let nothing interfere with AX.
I -must- go there.
I have to be with her.
Godfuck.
It's fucking insane.
I can't get that girl out of my fucking head.
I fucking smile, what the fuck?
And my heart does that jumping thing.
LOL
I haven't felt like this in awhile, it's fucking great.
Three more months, and i'll be in bliss.
On a sadder, more annoying note:
Well, after moving out of my grandmothers house, I knew I would have to pay for the rest of my braces.
Which was like $150 a month.
So, I went in today and told them that I don't want any teeth pulled, and I do NOT want some mother fucking taking a knife my to face and forcing my jaw and such into place in order to correct my overbite.
Sorry, but the thought of someone cutting my fucking face open just doesn't fly with me, as I think i've stated that before.
ANYWAY. After I tell them such things, they tell me that can remove the braces and such, after they've recieved full payment and the like. So, I ask how much is left.
They tell me $723.
Fuck. Alot, but fortunatly for me, that's doable.
So, after getting home after chillin with my aunt for the day, grandmother comes home and does some things.
Then tosses me a file and asks me to read it. It's the contract and such for the braces...
and all i'm fucking seeing.. are four fucking digit numbers.
one thousand, two thousand, three thousand.
and up and up.
So, if i'm reading this fucking shit correctly, i'll have to pay the orthodontist, $2,800+ or so.
...
FUCK. YOU. GRANDMOTHER.
Like i'm going to be able to come up with that much fucking cash, while paying for rent and other shit that I fucking need to survive.
I fucking swear man, This shit is ridiculous. and I know that bitch won't help me.
So i'm like shit out of luck.
I'm almost 19, and I don't have a car or anything yet, how the hell am I supposed to be saving up for this shit, and deal with this shit at the same time?
So yeah. That's what's new, old, whatever.
Friday i'm supposed to go hang out with Amber and Brett. I might hang out with them sometime next week too.
Poor Amber. :/ Dad having a brain tumor and such. Hope it gets all fixed up.
shit lol, I still haven't told her I got banned from Gaia.
wt3v3r
Sometimes I love being surrounded by mountains, such nice sunsets. Wish I had a camera.
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| AATCHB. |
[09 Apr 2006|11:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my uncle snoring |
] |
Things have just truly gone to hell.
Staying with grandmother and co until Thursday or so.
Funeral all day tomorrow.
Sucks I didn't exactly pack the proper clothing for such a thing. Oh well.
Y'know, it really blows to wake up everyday miserable as fuck.
To utter "Fuck" upon opening your eyes because you know that it's going to be another mundane twenty-four hours, jam-packed with the relentless feeling of incompleteness.
Lonliless among loved ones is always such a great downfall.
What a pathetic fucking thing.
Simply, fucking, pathetic.
I haven't had such feelings in a long goddamned time, it's a fucking shame they've resurfaced. Not in my power, however. Or maybe it is.
I'm beginning to loath many things.. People.
The sudden shift in activites was nice, and then back to the usual.
I hate this.
Seclusion has become my only friend.
Past 2 days of work have fucking sucked. Stupid mother fucking dumbass manager.
How the fuck can you possibly keep people in the store "fixing" shit until eleven o' fucking clock?
Fucking douchebag.
Goddamn immature, stupid fucking co-workers don't make it any easier.
I swear i'm going to put a fucking bullet to this kids head if he keeps this dumb shit up.
Could go on and fucking on.
Chalk full of angst and hatred.
Yep, that's meee.
nothing ever goes right.
So, fuck it all and all that it's worth.
I've just stopped caring. Period.
This journal is entirely too emo. Or goth, or whatver.
That makes me laugh. :3
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[14 Mar 2006|05:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
Le sigh.
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[28 Feb 2006|10:29pm] |
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...
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[21 Feb 2006|09:24pm] |
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So, i'm thinking this was a bad idea.
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[02 Feb 2006|01:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bleeding Through - Love In Slow Motion |
] |
V-Day is soon.
Fuck you.
Moving out soon.
Fuck yeah.
But now having second thoughts?
Fuck no.
Son of a bitch, what shall I do?
Fuck life.
There are things THAT I said I would never do
There are fears THAT I can not believe have come true
For my soul is too sick and too little and too late
and myself I have grown to weary to hate
The more I stay in here
The more it's not so clear
The more I stay in here
The more I disappear
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur
IS THERE somebody on top of me
I don't know I don't know
ISN'T ANYBODY stopping me?
I don't know I don't know
I won't try and hold my breath
I don't know I don't know
Just how far DOWN can I go
I don't know I don't know I DON'T KNOW
As I lay here and stare
the fabric starts to tear
It's far beyond repair
And I don't really care
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur
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| . |
[27 Jan 2006|03:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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As I Lay Dying - The Darkest Nights |
] |
Bleh.
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| rawraw |
[10 Jan 2006|01:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Thrice - Send Me An Angel |
] |
Nothing to really update here. I didn't go to school today, as usual.
This may be my last month, but I just hate going there period. Then again, i'm feeling like shit. Both nostrils are like, clogged (EWwtf) and I keep coughing. :3
Uhhhm..
Oh. Got to Job level 40 in RO, and upgraded my job from Thief to Assassin.
Goddamn Assassin rock. If any of you mfers that care to read this, want to contact me, do so in RO(Ragnarok Online). Char name: Why, it's Grope of course.
This is a pretty rare occasion that i'm on the computer and doing shit like this, lately I just haven't been giving a fuck.
I bought Xenosaga II for $10.00. Roffle my waffle.
My mother sent me a nice card, and some money for Christmas.
Her birthday was Saturday. I have to call her. I miss her. I miss the fact that, no matter what, she loved me, and didn't make me feel miserable everyday... like my grandparents/uncle.
So, they forced me to get a job.(Old news, obviously.) Then they refused to give me rides TO work, saying shit like i'm 18 and need to start .. hmm... taking care of things myself.
NOW....
It's fucking ridiculous.
I had purchased some POP TARTS and HONEYBUNS for MYSELF to eat at work and/or home when i'm actually here. Apparently they saw the boxes a flipped a bitch, saying that's what roomates do, and if --I-- want, they can treat me like a roomate instead of a family member. Then went on to say how, now, the rides FROM WORK, TO GET HOME are over. So, i'm rideless and standing outside of K-Mart at 10:00+ PM every fucking night, because they just don't give a shit.
The SunBus passes by K-Mart @... oh my.. 10:00 PM. Wouldn't be so bad, IF I DIDN'T LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN, and IT WASN'T UPHILL.
-__- So, either I plead to be let out early, or I keep taking advantage of my co. workers.. Which I HATE doing.
So, tonight, i'm going to talk with Lauren's mother, about moving in with them.
At least that way, things will be better, and i'll actually have rides home.
And.. i'll be away from those fucking cocksuckers.
OR. I could move to North Carolina and be with my mom.
Where I would know no one. And have 0 friends. Hey, that just might work out.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
meh. I still don't sleep much. Gosh, on any given night I get like 2-3 hours of sleep. cause I get off so late, and don't get tired until like, 12-1. and i have to wake up at 5 just to get ready for school.
oh well. things will work out.
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| In wonderland |
[03 Jan 2006|01:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bleeding Through - Revenge I Seek |
] |
Sometimes, it just doesn't feel right.
Like I don't belong with them.
I'm beginning to believe going solo will be better for me.
Hah, i've found something new to occupy my time with;
For awhile it was Resident Evil 4. Nice, fun, shoot the living shit out of parasite infested spanish freaks wielding chainsaws and sticks of dynomite, and other fun stuff. It's always nice to watch their head's explode when you get a point blank shot in with the Shotgun, or shoot their knee caps to make them bend forward, then land a nice Suplex, crushing their head into nothingness.
But, that got boring after awhile, and I moved onto: Ragnarok Online.
fun times.
School tomorrow. This is my last month of High School.
About. Mother. Fucking. Time.
Work is bleak and dreary as ever, never anything to look forward to.
I really wonder why I wake up everyday.
I have been given to option of moving in with Lauren, after her redneck step-father moves out.
Seeing as how my family doesn't give two-shits about me, I might just take the offer and move out. Flip them the bird then never see them again. Good fucking riddance.
Then again, Lauren's siblings drive me fucking insane. So fucking annoying. I don't think I could stand living there.
Just got done watching Cry_Wolf and Four Brothers with Lauren and Ben. Cry_Wolf was bleah, too predictable. Four Brothers was okay, however when they killed off the coolest brother halfway in the movie, it was shitty. What the fuck, why name it Four Brothers if you're going to fucking kill one off? Idiots.
I have to be up and ready for school about 5-6 hours.
I highly doubt i'll wake up in time.
Payday is this friday. My fucking check better be huge.
Don't know why I care though-- I haven't really spent much of my money. Still got a good $500 left.
Meh.
Time to play RO until I get tired and pass out and make up some lame excuse if I don't wake up for school on time.
Lawl.
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| Wow. |
[17 Dec 2005|12:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Move - Dogfight |
] |
Couple of things:
1) Work isn't so bad.
2) I want my fucking debit card. Fucking Bank of America, hurry the shit up.
3) SODA+PIZZA FTW!!!!!1111 <--- All i've been eating/drinking for the past week.
4) MOVE FTW!!
5) Jpop/Techno/Trance FORTHEFUCKINGWIN!!
6) I miss my mom.
Amazing.
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| hmph |
[26 Nov 2005|12:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Otep - Self Made |
] |
I hate work.
I want to fucking shoot myself.
Seriously.
This is the worst fucking thing ever. Fucking ridiculous.
Eh, at least I got in one hour of overtime. Oh yeah, did I mention I just got home? Yeah, at 12:30 A.M.
Work. Sucks. Period.
...Guess i'll endure. I have good reasons too. :/
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| so. |
[22 Nov 2005|12:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bleeding Through - On Wings Of Lead |
] |
like.
first day of work was today.
worked like. 6 to 10. isn't that bad. but normal schedule from now on will be 4 to 10.
so, like seriously: don't expect me on very much. at all. :x
considering i get out of school at 1. i'm seriously going to sleep after i get home. then doing 4 to 10.
good news: i'll get to stay here. and i won't have to go live with my mom.
good news2: paycheck. paycheck will eventually turn into me getting a hold of a credit card. which will eventually turn into me playing FFXI again.
bad news: obviously with these hours i'll primaliry be playing FFXI on my days off, so like don't even expect me online at all during those. XD
bad news2: i won't have much FFXI time to do all that I want to do in order to catch up to where I was.
sad but true, ya dig.
now.. i'm tired. i've been on my feet since 6. time to sleep. or something.
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| disaster |
[21 Nov 2005|05:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 scared |
] |
i can't remember the last time i bled.
i'm tired.
i want lauren.
where is she?
i need someone to talk to.
somewhere to live for a few days.
where are you cupcake...?
it might be too late.....
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| kampf |
[17 Nov 2005|03:30pm] |
lol Gaia can lick my balls.
I'm not coming back.
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| mmmmhmmm |
[16 Nov 2005|03:09am] |
it's stupid.
i really, really, really fucking hate it.
goodbye.
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| kk |
[16 Nov 2005|02:15am] |
lmfao. nothing's changed.
break time.
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| meaningless |
[14 Nov 2005|01:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Atreyu - Demonology & Heartache |
] |
I'm Clyde without his Bonnie.
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| DayxMonthxYearxMinutexSecond |
[13 Nov 2005|02:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bayside - Devotion and Desire |
] |
Drifting
Thoughtless
Writhing
Reeling
Tormented
Cynical wings
Carrying
Everything
Nothing
Decaying
Rotting
Lips of deceit
Kiss me goodnight
Violated
Enthralling
Erotic
Sinful
Desires
Misery
Clouds
Brooding
Impending
Inevitable
Demise.
Whatever. I'm moody. I don't even know why. Awkward. I don't care if this makes sense or not. I just felt like writing shit down. I don't care if you dislike it either. I don't post shit here for the sake of others. :|
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| One can say; |
[09 Nov 2005|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None |
] |
Whatever.
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| [ |
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| |
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] |
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] |
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